It is time to “unschool” behaviour management

8 min read:

 

If a child can’t write… we teach

If a child can’t read… we teach

If a child can’t tie up their shoe laces…we teach

If a child can’t climb…we teach

But

If a child cannot manage their emotions, we …

Why is this sentence harder to finish?

Behaviour as learning in action

One of the best ways to think about behaviour is to see it as learning in action. It should be viewed through the same lens as any other area of learning, such as literacy or self-care. When viewed this way, it opens up possibilities for practitioners to include it as part of their planning experiences. This also reduces the anxiety we might feel about children’s behaviour. One of the best pieces of advice I was given when I was first confronted with behaviour is to remember that early years’ settings are quite literally the spaces in which children come to learn to behave. If we expected children to arrive wholesome and complete, it would, surely, render our settings null and void? What is our purpose if it is not to teach? Imagine as an adult that you wanted to learn a new language and attended night classes, but then were disciplined or punished because you did not pick up the language quickly enough. That can sometimes happen to children when it comes to learning how to behave. Our expectations of how quickly those skills should be acquired are often far too unrealistic. Children need time to figure things out, yet “behaviour management” has forced us to rush headfirst into “school readiness” agendas. And so, maybe it is time to “unschool” behaviour management.

“Unschooling” behaviour management

During a TED Talk by the late and great Ken Robinson, he told the audience that the purpose of education is to find out what you are good at. The reason this is so powerful is because often the opposite feels true. Many children and adults view education, specifically the school system, as the space in which “failures” in learning become glaringly obvious. School, therefore, becomes the place where behaviour is fixed, corrected, and cured. And because of the fascinations with “school readiness”, we see this creep into the very early years. As a result, children tend to learn to perform behaviour to avoid punishments or consequences (or “red cards”). For example, a child might sit through circle time merely because he knows, if he does so quietly, he will get to play outside afterwards. Similarly, many children learn to engage just enough to avoid consequences. The problem with this type of performative engagement is that it becomes a means to an end, and learning becomes lost.

This topic can feel quite uncomfortable for teachers and practitioners who often feel that they are unable to adopt more positively tuned-in approaches, but we must continue to challenge outdated behaviour systems that can be harmful to different intersectional identities.

In recent years, self-directed education, also referred to as the process of “unschooling” has gained momentum as researchers identify that there are long term benefits when a child has freedom and ownership of their educational experience (Gray, 2017). Self-directed education can be defined simply as “an education where the learner retains control of what they are learning. They are free to choose what they learn, and they are free to stop when they have learnt enough” (Fisher, 2021, Pg. 56). It is an important concept when we think about behaviour because we often see behavioural issues arise out of the power play between adult and child, and essentially who gets to call the shots. While as adults, it is imperative that we promote security, safety, and respect through boundaries and supportive direction, this does not need to be delivered through an adult vs child mentality. Autonomous learners experience higher levels of motivation, and engagement, and much of our behavioural concerns would be diminished if we moved away from behaviour fixes and modifications, all of which are foundations of outdated educational principles. So, what might we do to “unschool” our behaviour approaches? Below are four fundamental tips to get you started:

1 – Look for your bias

Research has found that the way practitioners think and act towards children and their identity influences their educational “performance” and behaviour (Youn, 2015). Research has also found existence of teacher bias, particularly towards children of colour (Graham et al., 2019), and those with neurodivergence. For example, a teacher recently shared with me that an autistic child was continually excluded from the main environment for not being able to sit still during circle time. This child used stimming, defined as a repetitive self-stimulating behaviour to regulate their emotions and attention. The teacher believed that this child’s behaviour caused disruption to others. Examples such as this highlight why it is imperative that we check and challenge our bias and address it from an equity perspective.

Questions to ask yourself:

1. Are my judgements linked to any stereotypes when observing this behaviour?
2. Do I pay particular attention to certain child characteristics, and behaviours?
3. Is my response amongst children consistent?
4. How do I speak about the child and their family?

Top-Tip – reframe “misbehaviours” as “learning in action”. What information is the behaviour giving you, and how might you teach it?

2 – Co-regulation is the foundation of self-regulation

Co-regulation can be defined as the process whereby the practitioner or teacher who is usually more capable in a task attunes the behaviours, emotions, or cognitive processes of an individual to model and guide the child (Braund et al., 2021). For example, providing the language for feelings, or explaining what an emotion might physically feel like, and then offering some solutions. Sometimes, it can really be as simple as being in the moment with a child and being a secure base. Through this process, the ability to regulate is transferred to the child and forms the foundations of later self-regulation. Allal (2020) makes a critical point that just because children gain increasing competency in self-regulation, that does not mean we withdraw our co-regulation. They, instead, work in unison with each other over time. Behaviour management and self-regulation, despite being used increasingly in the same sentence are totally at odds with each other. You cannot teach self-regulation through rewards, sanctions, and consequences. Findings from studies highlight that co-regulation practices have to be highly adaptable to meet the different needs of children, and so a “one size fits all” management approach rarely leads to meaningful social and emotional development (Silkenbeumer et al., 2018).

Top-Tip – use visuals to help children understand their feelings, for example, the reaction wall. This helps children to connect emotions and physical feelings:

3 – Know your Flashpoints

One of the most significant things I have found with behaviour is that consistency is hard to maintain because we all have different “flashpoints”. According to Nicholson et al. (2020), practitioners experience their own stress responses during behavioural support, and so beginning with a reflection on the role of the adult is crucial. Behaviour can make us feel de-skilled, isolated, angry and confused. There is no shame in admitting that some behaviours ignite uncomfortable feelings such as anger or make us feel disempowered and stressed. I remember as a practitioner often feeling like I needed to hide this shameful side of myself.  Research has found, however, that when we engage more deeply with complex emotions, we experience lower levels of stress and exhaustion, and can engage more meaningfully with children (Pisaniello, Winefield and Delfabbro 2012).

Top Tip – We all have stress responses, but do you know your individual flashpoints, such as fight, flight or freeze? Figuring out your common reactions to stress means you can plan individualised strategies for yourself, which will help you to be a better co-regulator.

4 – Look at your expectations and lower them

In her recent twitter thread, Research scientist Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk (@suzannezeedyk) outlined one of the Early Learning Goals for personal, social and emotional development:

Children at the expected level of development will: Show an understanding of their own feelings and those of others and begin to regulate their behaviour accordingly (DfE, 2021).

-MOST ADULTS CANNOT DO THIS-

The focus of the ELG is for children aged 5 to begin to self-regulate, to manage their own feelings, emotions and behaviours accordingly, however there is no mention of how self-regulation is dependent on supportive adults and environments in co-regulation, and how both concepts are intertwined and sit side by side. Self-regulation is not the individual responsibility of the child. One of the most important questions you can ask yourself when expecting behaviours, is “could I do this?”. You will be surprised at how many behaviours are actually hard to maintain, hence why as adults we are often exhausted by the end of the day. Maintaining a social self is difficult to do over a long period of time. The key is to see the strengths in the behaviour and use them as a hook for learning, for example, “I could see you really tried to take turns today, in fact, you were able to do it two times. I bet you can do it again tomorrow”.

Conclusion

I am not going to say that supporting children’s behaviour is easy, because quite frankly…it isn’t. Children are complex creatures, just like us. Behaviour is disorientating at times, and it can make us feel bad about ourselves. Children’s behaviour can shine a bright light on our own feelings of inadequacy, but we have to remember that “behaviour management” is a deeply rooted system that creates a sense of urgency and moral panic. Childhood takes time, and the emphasis should be on joy and thriving, not management and modification.

 

Kerry Murphy

Excerpts taken from forthcoming books:

Little Minds Matter: Supporting wellbeing in SEND (Kerry Murphy).

The Building Blocks of Behaviour (Kerry Murphy & Sarah Doyle).

 

References

Allal, L. (2020). Assessment and the co-regulation of learning in the classroom. Assessment in Education: Principles, Policy & Practice, 27(4), 332-349.

Braund, H., DeLuca, C., Panadero, E., & Cheng, L. (2021). Exploring Formative Assessment and Co-Regulation in Kindergarten Through Interviews and Direct Observation. In Frontiers in Education (p. 375). Frontiers.

Fisher, N. (2021). Changing Our Minds: How children can take control of their own learning. Robinson.

Graham, B., White, C., Edwards, A., Potter, S., & Street, C. (2019). School exclusion: a literature review on the continued disproportionate exclusion of certain. Department for Education.

Gray, P. (2017). Self-directed education—Unschooling and democratic schooling. In Oxford Research Encyclopedia of Education.

Nicholson, J., Perez, L., & Kurtz, J. (2018). Trauma-informed practices for early childhood educators: Relationship-based approaches that support healing and build resilience in young children. Routledge.

Pisaniello, S. L., Winefield, H. R., & Delfabbro, P. H. (2012). The influence of emotional labour and emotional work on the occupational health and wellbeing of South Australian hospital nurses. Journal of Vocational behavior, 80(3), 579-591.

Robinson, K. (2006) Do schools kill creativity? February. Available at: https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity?language=en

Silkenbeumer, J. R., Schiller, E. M., & Kärtner, J. (2018). Co-and self-regulation of emotions in the preschool setting. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 44, 72-81.

Youn, M. (2016). Learning more than expected: The influence of teachers’ attitudes on children’s learning outcomes. Early Child Development and Care, 186(4), 578-595.